Tuesday, January 24, 2012

Items From My Past

I'm usually reluctant to use my blog to flog personal items but just this once I decided to break tradition with this incredible offer.

For a limited time only, you can purchase my ninth grade science project which I produced, directed, and wrote after I broke my leg in a skiing accident on December 29, 1962. This new release has been updated from the original with a completely restored title page and never-before-seen X-rays that reveal surprisingly overlooked cracks and fissures in my tibia and fibula bones! Yes, shoppers, you will feel the same tingling experience that freaked out 30 of my classmates some five decades ago. Of course, I received an "A" from my science teacher, a considerable achievement because the Internet and the photocopier had not yet been invented. All the material has been faithfully reproduced with a mimeograph machine!

I'm also going to include a restored copy of a speech on American Democracy that I originally crafted in sixth grade -- yes, I was only 12 years old! -- for the local Optimist Club in Mt. Vernon, N.Y. It received third place in the Oratorical Contest (out of four entries). This fabulous bit of soaring rhetoric has a vintage feel to it, yet it still has a distinct tinge of timeliness. My teacher had no idea that I might do this to earn a living some day. (He simply said if I didn't enter, I couldn't become a student projectionist and miss all those classes to show movies.)

That's not all....

Yours free are "first drafts" of several speeches I wrote for Gov. Mario M. Cuomo between 1992 and 1994, his last term as the head honcho of the Empire State. Disclaimer: Few of these speeches actually contain many words spoken by the Governor, but I can assure buyers and readers that they have the "feel" and "texture" of a speech that was actually delivered. I cannot guarantee which speech draft you'll get, but I can assure you each that one has several distinct mark-ups written in the Governor's own hand!

I also pledge not to produce any prequels, sequels, or follow-ups to ensure that your investment in my "early work" is never compromised.

Hurry -- supplies are limited.

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